The Unexpected Adventures of Val and Jackie
by Mistress Ringwraith
Summary: The story of how two teenage Lord of the Rings' obsessed fans get sucked into the triogly and travel with the Fellowship. Along the way their friends pop up in the wrong places! Still in the writing process. Please read and review.
1. An Unexpected Adventure Begins

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Lord of the Rings or any of it's characters. I DO own Val, Jackie, they're friends and all their stupidity.  
  
One day Jackie and Valerie were strolling through the park when they decided to sit down under a tree and catch up with their Lord of the Rings reading. Little did they know, as they sat there was an evil squirrel who was in the tree. It was so evil that it threw 2 acorns down on their heads and they were knocked unconscious.  
They awoke in Rivendell, surrounded by elves pointing arrows at them. The girls then realized they had appeared in mid-air on Lord Elrond's lap! "Don't shoot! I'm too young to die!" wailed Jackie, while Val scanned the crowd for Legolas. She later found him but scared him away after trying to place him in a rather small jar. "Who the fuck are you?!" Aragorn questioned. "I AM NAZGUL NUMBER 5! FEAR ME!" exclaimed Val, but the elves did not fear her for she was only a 13 year old girl in a black cloak. "Uh.my name is." started Jackie, but Val interrupted her, "What?" "My name is." "Who?" "SHUT UP! Okay my name is Jackie and this is Val." Valerie smiled, "Hehehe. Hi elfies!" The elves turned away in disgust as Val proceeded to poke badgers with spoons.  
That night Val and Jackie slept outside Rivendell and in the morning snuck in, stole some of Arwen's dresses, put on prosthetic ears and did each other's hair elf-like. When they looked elfie enough they "requested" to see Lord Elrond. ok it was more like demanded. Lord Elrond was in council with Bilbo Baggins for he has just arrived. Jackie pulled out her 'One Ring' and handed it to Val. "Jump old man! Jump!" squealed Val as she dangled the Ring in front of the old hobbit. It was most entertaining. After a while Bilbo, quite frustrated, stormed off crying.  
  
Jackie bowed low, "Aaye Elrond! Oio naa elealla alasse'!" "That means 'Hail Lord Elrond! Ever is thy sight a joy!" whispered Val to the Elf Lord. Elrond looked puzzled, "Yes I knew that, I am an elf. remember??" "Uh. whatever dude, say MORDOR!" "Why do you ask such things of me?" "No reason." "Hmm. alright. Mort-tdor." The girls laughed with excitement. "Say it again!" begged Jackie, but Elrond feeling kind of embarrassed refused.  
"What brings you two elves here? I have not seen you before." He said gravely. "Do you hear that Jackie?! He thinks we're elves! Aha!" "Shhh Val, don't ruin it! Ahem, I am Jaclyn and this is Valerie. You have not seen us before because. um. because." "Because we are but 30 years old!" finished Val. "30!? My word you are very young indeed!" gasped Elrond. The girls nodded in agreement. "Young but filled with wisdom from the Lady and still we have wisdom to learn" Val said bowing, trying not to laugh. "Very well, I will question you no further, its clear that you are my kin if you speak of the Lady. I am afraid though that you will have to share our guest room. we have a high visitor from Mirkwood" replied Elrond. "Who!?!?!!" the girls cried, most anxious to find out who they were bunking with. "Why Prince Legolas Greenleaf. I do hope that is alright." Val's eyes widened and Jackie let out an evil smile "Its fine" she said. They raced upstairs to the guest room only to find two extra beds already laid out. Legolas' bed was the one closest to the window, and there he was, looking out to the forest in deep thought, but the girls did not realize he was in the room!  
So Val proceeded to talk to Jackie about how lovely Legolas' ass was while she un-packed what she stole from Arwen, and Jackie was laughing and agreeing. Finally Legolas stood up, "I'm glad you think so much of my 'ass' but what about the rest of me?" The girls stopped dead in their tracks; Legolas. the hottest elf. in the same room as them and he wasn't running away! He looked more angel like than elf like. maybe it was because he was wearing shiny PJ's, maybe it was from the sunset behind him, or maybe it was the new shampoo he was using. "Forgive me for startling you" he said at last. Jackie studdered, "Um. uh. Forgive us for being so rude." "Then we are at a deal? Excellent! Shall we now go to Aragorn's feast?" The girls nodded and followed the Elven Prince out the door. 


	2. The Announcement from Aragorn

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Lord of the Rings or any of it's characters. I DO own Val, Jackie, they're friends and all their stupidity.  
  
The girls walked down the elvish hall in wonder. Finally Legolas turned and opened a huge door, "Now you will have the best food in town!" and he led them down the flower clad room.  
There sitting in the center of the room at a huge table was Lord Elrond, Arwen, Aragorn, and more elves with much importance. Val raced down the hall bowed quickly to Elrond, tripped on her dress, got up and continued running to the first empty chair she saw. "Eww it's Arwen" muttered Val, quite out of breath. Jackie didn't care; she was ALONE with LEGOLAS, so yeah. "Eww it's Arw. wait I'm Arwen! Damn." Arwen sighed and placed her arm around Aragorn. Val and Jackie nearly barfed. They never really liked Aragorn and sat as far away from him as possible. "Let the feast begin!" announced Elrond.  
After eating Aragorn stood up, "I have an announcement to make!" he declared. "No REALLY!?" muttered Jackie. "Tomorrow I must leave for Bree and await Frodo and his little Hobbit companions; as Gandalf requested. But I need 2 elves, lord Elrond, to make sure they will be on they're way," he finished. "Hey dirty man!" exclaimed Val. "I'll go in search of Hobbits!" "Oi! I'm coming too!" pouted Jackie. "What about me?" whined Arwen. "What about you? You're prissy, well dressed and annoying. People like you should never go Hobbit Hunting," stated Jackie. "You are so hurtful! If my father wasn't present I'd put an elvish spell on you!" "Try this for an elvish spell," and Jackie punched her straight in the nose. Arwen screamed in agony, for her nose was now broken, blood streaming out of it onto her new Gucci Elvish dress. She ran out of the great hall so fast that she bumped into a tree because she wasn't looking where she was going. Aragorn followed after her screaming "Athelas! Someone bring me Athelas!"  
Jackie had a huge grin of satisfaction on her face as she and Val did their special (yet stupid) handshake. Elrond looked disgraced, and Legolas was laughing. 10 minutes later Arwen came back, still crying, holding her head back with a tissue trying to stop the bleeding. Aragorn led her to her seat.  
Elrond agreed to let Val and Jackie go with Aragorn. He wanted those "elves" away from Arwen right now. So the next day Aragorn and company set out for Bree. Val saw many a badger along the way and often stopped to poke with spoons. All the way there Val and Jackie sang Rancid, Sum 41, Good Charlotte, NoFx, etc. It would take three days more seeing they already passed the Ford and the girls singing of "Don't Call Me White" and "A.N.I.C" was making Aragorn uneasy. He later passed out. But thanks to Jackie watching Fellowship of the Ring all the time at home, they got to Bree in two days, not three.  
Seeing they were to go to the Shire, not Bree, they trudged on; but not before buying some ponies from Nob. Finally they saw the gate at Buckland. "If only we had Merry here! He could get us in" muttered Val. "Hang on! I got an idea!" hissed Jackie. "Who goes there?" called the gate keeper. "We are friends of Master Meriadoc of Buckland and Bilbo of the Shire. Elves we are, let us in." Jackie said very elf-like. ".or I'll poke you with a spoon!!!!" warned Val. "Elves!? Goodness me, of course, come in come in!" and with that the gate keeper opened the gate. That was their first steps in the Shire. They had at least four days more till Bag End was in sight. 


	3. Many Meetings

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Lord of the Rings or any of it's characters. I DO own Val, Jackie, they're friends and all their stupidity.  
  
They spent the night at Crickhollow, sharing it with Merry, against his will of course. "You WILL make FRODO go to BREE as soon as possible! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!" Jackie laughed evilly. "Aww, don't scare the poor Hobbit, remember Jackie - Hobbits are friends, not Food!" "Wait, since when does Finding Nemo have to do with Hobbits!?" "I don't know?" Poor Merry.  
  
Three days later in Bag End, Frodo was talking with Gandalf! "Give me the Ring Frodo!" shouted Gandalf. "OK!" shouted Frodo, and Gandalf tossed the Ring into the fire. "AHHHHHHHHH! FIRE! AHH! ITS HOT! DAMN YOU! MY ARSE IS ON FIRE!!!" came from the Ring. With tongs, Gandalf picked the Ring out of the fire. "Put out your hand, Frodo, it's quite cool." "Quite hot and burnt more like it" muttered the Ring. "What can you see? Do you see anything?" asked Gandalf. "Well," started Frodo, "I see some form of Elvish that I cannot read and a little voice is coming from the Ring too." "The language is that of Mordor, which I will not utter here. And the voice? Simple. It's. hmm. well I do not remember. But its something evil, trust me." There was a bang and a clang and a clatter. And Gandalf sprung up to see what was the matter! "Confounded Samwise Gamgee! Have you been pantsdropping?" "I ain't been dropping no pants Sir, honest! I was dropping eaves!"  
Out of nowhere Pippin ran in, out of breath. "Goosey Goosey Gandy! I bring news from Merry!" "Go on then," said Frodo. "I will! He says he's got two elves waiting for us all in the Green Dragon." "Alright, thank you master Peregr." started Gandalf but Pippin ran out before he could be thanked. Because the Green Dragon was a pub, and Pippin had an obsession with those. So Gandalf went off to do wizardy things and sent Frodo and Samwise to the inn.  
At the Green Dragon, everyone had a mug of beer. After about twenty eight mugs Merry and Pippin pulled Val and Jackie up on a table with them and sang a song:  
"Hey ho to the pub I go,  
To heal my heart and drown my woe!  
Rain may fall and wind may blow,  
But there still beeee many miles to go!  
Oh sweet is the sound of the pouring rain;  
And the stream that falls from hill to plain.  
But better than rain or rippling brook.  
IS A MUG OF BEER INSIDE THIS TOOK!" And Pippin ended the song on a high scream and everyone loved it. Frodo was quite drunk too and decided to be stupid and take out the Ring. He touched the smooth gold surface and proceeded to talk dirty to it, as usual. Then he realized he needed to go to the little Hobbits room so he placed the Ring on the table and pounced off.  
As Val and Jackie were walking by laughing they saw a shiny object and immediately knew it was the Ring. But where was Frodo!? O_O They freaked out seeing that finding Frodo was they're job. Val put the Ring in her pocket and proceeded to run in and out of every room. Jackie searched the outside. The only place they didn't look was the Hobbit boys bathroom, because they were not a Hobbit and they weren't a boy! 10 minutes later Frodo skipped back out and then realized the Ring wasn't on the table. He freaked out. And so there was Val, Jackie, and Frodo all running in and out of this tiny inn. Screaming, and tripping over things and they didn't stop till a good twenty mintues afterwards. when they were all out of breath. Then Val realized she had just ran past Frodo a bazillion times so she grabbed him, shoved the Ring in his pocket and went off to do a "3000 year old Elf pout" as she called it, and Jackie just drank more ale, while chatting with Samwise about gardening tools.  
  
Next morning, everyone had really bad hangovers and still they couldn't walk straight. Which was funny. And look! Gandalf's back! "Frodo, the Ring is evil, it must be destroyed!" "Hey man that's not nice" came from the Ring. "Whatever, it cannot stay in the Shire though." "Where do I go?" asked Frodo after making a rather loud burp. "Make for Bree, and the Inn at the Prancing Pony. I shall meet you there. But first, I must see the head of my order, she is both wise and powerful. Trust me Frodo. You must go. Go with Merry and Pippin and Val and Jackie and Sam. But if I hear you put that Ring on you're finger you're in trouble." And so Gandalf left. Val and Jackie made a big sign to hang on Bag End "FRODO HAS LEFT THE SHIRE" and they did so, as soon as everyone left. 


End file.
